Julie Campbell and I also had the same blogger page format.
http://juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sad things
A hard week here, with workshops that didn´t go as planned, and resulting procrastination on other things coming up. I still struggle with a low-level lack of purpose and relevance, which ebbs and flows, and sits in contrast to my nice life and kind friends here in Cuenca. The missteps involved trying to learn how to do good education on HIV, family, violence, sexual health, and self esteem with women and families are supposedly the things that you learn from, but it´s brutal when you do something wrong, or even just adequately, and have to admit the mistakes and think, how on earth could I have done that differently and what in God´s name am I really accomplishing for anyone anyhow?
Took note of a Peace Corps volunteer who was killed in the Phillipines. Her name was Julie Campbell and I was struck by some uncanny characteristics which I had in common with her. She was a New Yorker, older than your typical volunteer, who left a sucessful career (in this case as a journalist) to do the Peace Corps.
And this of course was eclipsed by what happened at Virginia Tech, which I didn´t mention here up to now because I hadn´t really been able to process it from so far away. Reading Emily´s words over at I´m So Pretty helped make it all too real.
"And I'd give myself a harder time for taking it all so hard if I thought any part of my reaction were controllable. But it's not. I can't not feel this sad. I can't not be totally normal and laughing one second and on the verge of tears the next, the lump in my throat swelling for the millionth time in a day."
I do remember this same ragged, visceral grief from the weeks following September 11, 2001. The guilt for being sad even though it wasn´t something that had happened to you exactly countered by the physical pain that accompanied sudden and unexpected and senseless death close to home.
Over at Washington Monthly, I found Kevin Drum´s comments on press coverage and policy implications somehow comforting. Because it does seem to be that out of all the screwed up things that happen in the States, more screwed up things tend to get done in response.
All I can say is: I still hope everyone takes this very, very slowly. There might be lessons we can learn from Monday's tragedy, but our first reactions are almost certain to be wrong. Probably our second reactions too. Whatever we do, let's not make the cure worse than the disease.
Amen to that.
Took note of a Peace Corps volunteer who was killed in the Phillipines. Her name was Julie Campbell and I was struck by some uncanny characteristics which I had in common with her. She was a New Yorker, older than your typical volunteer, who left a sucessful career (in this case as a journalist) to do the Peace Corps.
And this of course was eclipsed by what happened at Virginia Tech, which I didn´t mention here up to now because I hadn´t really been able to process it from so far away. Reading Emily´s words over at I´m So Pretty helped make it all too real.
"And I'd give myself a harder time for taking it all so hard if I thought any part of my reaction were controllable. But it's not. I can't not feel this sad. I can't not be totally normal and laughing one second and on the verge of tears the next, the lump in my throat swelling for the millionth time in a day."
I do remember this same ragged, visceral grief from the weeks following September 11, 2001. The guilt for being sad even though it wasn´t something that had happened to you exactly countered by the physical pain that accompanied sudden and unexpected and senseless death close to home.
Over at Washington Monthly, I found Kevin Drum´s comments on press coverage and policy implications somehow comforting. Because it does seem to be that out of all the screwed up things that happen in the States, more screwed up things tend to get done in response.
All I can say is: I still hope everyone takes this very, very slowly. There might be lessons we can learn from Monday's tragedy, but our first reactions are almost certain to be wrong. Probably our second reactions too. Whatever we do, let's not make the cure worse than the disease.
Amen to that.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I love when I get all officious and business-like sounding
In an effort to find some relevance for myself last fall, I found myself as the volunteer coordinator of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Interest Group here in PC Ecuador, a group of mainly straight volunteers who were interested in working on homofobia here in Ecuador. We had grand visions of building a nationwide network of glbt activists, planning leadership camps, and helping to spur the creation of gay liberation movement here in Ecuador.
We haven´t quite gotten to that yet. I think the email I was working on this morning pretty much shows where we are in the process.
Hi All,
A few updates.
1) Jambelí was great although we missed Eva and Farrah and Amy and Susanna. Thanks to everyone for making such a nice weekend and "teambuilding event." I´m working with Paulina to get the reimbursements out so hopefully you should get something before the end of the month.
2) Meeting on Thursday, June 28. Please block off the entire day 9-5 pm and the evening for PRIDE in Plaza Foch. Please note, this meeting is mandatory and will be fully funded,w transport, two days of $8 per diem and one night of hotel. If you cannot make this meeting and Pride, it counts as one of the two absences after which we would have to ask you to forfeit your seat on the group. If you are trying to coordinate your mid-service medical exam with this meeting, porfis, schedule it for the 26 or the 27!
Here´s why it´s so important: As you know, we have been asked to perform as part of the program for Gay Pride in Quito. We discussed this at Jambelí and the consensus was that a good lip sync piece would be Better Shape Up from Grease. (Stay with me here, folks. And Dana rest assured that we want you to participate in this important cultural integration activity here as well, so please mark your calender if you are available!)
Jen has (pretty much?) agreed to help out with choreography and I believe that Brian and Becca have agreed to be take on the gender inverted roles of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. And they were entirely sober when they agreed to do this. The idea is that women in our group would be the T-birds and we would search out interested male Peace Corps volunteers to be the Pink Ladies. We have about $100 to spend on Pride so some of this could go for costumes. I anticipate that we can have a relatively short meeting to do business in the am of the 28th and devote the rest of the day to pulling together our performance.
If any of you are thinking some crap like "I´m not going to get up in front of hundreds of gay Quiteños and make a fool of myself," just try to let go of that. Please. I have.
Based on all this, here are a list of to-do´s to prepare for Pride. If everyone signs up to do one thing, it won´t be so stressful, for, um... me.
Performance
Burn discs with "Better Shape Up" and send to everyone in the group - Rachel and Becca
Choreography - Jen?
Send email to other Peace Corps volunteers to participate -
Find and design costumes -
Table
Get a banner made with Peace Corps log and glbt groups name -
Design folletto on the glbt pc group -
Secure condoms to give out at our table, and perhaps lube? -
Confirm all arrangements with los organizadores- Claudia
Thanks all
Claudia
We haven´t quite gotten to that yet. I think the email I was working on this morning pretty much shows where we are in the process.
Hi All,
A few updates.
1) Jambelí was great although we missed Eva and Farrah and Amy and Susanna. Thanks to everyone for making such a nice weekend and "teambuilding event." I´m working with Paulina to get the reimbursements out so hopefully you should get something before the end of the month.
2) Meeting on Thursday, June 28. Please block off the entire day 9-5 pm and the evening for PRIDE in Plaza Foch. Please note, this meeting is mandatory and will be fully funded,w transport, two days of $8 per diem and one night of hotel. If you cannot make this meeting and Pride, it counts as one of the two absences after which we would have to ask you to forfeit your seat on the group. If you are trying to coordinate your mid-service medical exam with this meeting, porfis, schedule it for the 26 or the 27!
Here´s why it´s so important: As you know, we have been asked to perform as part of the program for Gay Pride in Quito. We discussed this at Jambelí and the consensus was that a good lip sync piece would be Better Shape Up from Grease. (Stay with me here, folks. And Dana rest assured that we want you to participate in this important cultural integration activity here as well, so please mark your calender if you are available!)
Jen has (pretty much?) agreed to help out with choreography and I believe that Brian and Becca have agreed to be take on the gender inverted roles of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. And they were entirely sober when they agreed to do this. The idea is that women in our group would be the T-birds and we would search out interested male Peace Corps volunteers to be the Pink Ladies. We have about $100 to spend on Pride so some of this could go for costumes. I anticipate that we can have a relatively short meeting to do business in the am of the 28th and devote the rest of the day to pulling together our performance.
If any of you are thinking some crap like "I´m not going to get up in front of hundreds of gay Quiteños and make a fool of myself," just try to let go of that. Please. I have.
Based on all this, here are a list of to-do´s to prepare for Pride. If everyone signs up to do one thing, it won´t be so stressful, for, um... me.
Performance
Burn discs with "Better Shape Up" and send to everyone in the group - Rachel and Becca
Choreography - Jen?
Send email to other Peace Corps volunteers to participate -
Find and design costumes -
Table
Get a banner made with Peace Corps log and glbt groups name -
Design folletto on the glbt pc group -
Secure condoms to give out at our table, and perhaps lube? -
Confirm all arrangements with los organizadores- Claudia
Thanks all
Claudia
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Warts and all
This is ridiculously Peace Corp-ish post.
I have a wart. On the bottom of my foot. I think its a plantar wart, the one caused by a virus. It bears a striking resemblance to one I had when I was a child which just went away on its own. But sometime during the early 00´s (how does one read that, the early naught´s?) I developed another one. And it was here to stay. I had my fancy upper west side podiatrist freeze it off, over two sessions, for which I am sure he billed my insurance company handsomely. So you all don´t think I´m an absolute lunatic, I won´t share how much pleasure I derived from having something frozen off and then dug out of my foot with a scalpel. Well, oops, I kind of gave it away there. My foot was baby soft for maybe six weeks and then its started to come back and it was even bigger and more crater like than ever.
I had come to peace with the wart. I even kind of liked it. It was always there tucked away on the bottom of my foot, not on my hands or anything where anyone could actually see it. It doesn´t hurt. It doesn´t intefere with the ever important task of walking, like my flat arches or my strained tendons do.
The thing is last week I noticed it was growing. There were a couple little baby warts around it, and it seems to have an adjoining friend. I already know the futility of hi tech solutions, so I was open to other suggestions. In the Peace Corps they tell us to strangle it. Cover it with duct tape so the virus can´t breathe, they say. Because all the health care protocols of the Peace Corps is centralized through a medical office in Washington DC that oversees medical officers for every post, this means that young americans all over the world are wrapping their feet in duct tape and running out to give talks on cow castration or self esteem. One wart I could deal with, but multiple ones enter into the realm of gross. So yesterday I wrapped a huge piece of duct tape around my foot and ran out to give a workshop on parenting.
I´ll refrain from keeping you posted.
I have a wart. On the bottom of my foot. I think its a plantar wart, the one caused by a virus. It bears a striking resemblance to one I had when I was a child which just went away on its own. But sometime during the early 00´s (how does one read that, the early naught´s?) I developed another one. And it was here to stay. I had my fancy upper west side podiatrist freeze it off, over two sessions, for which I am sure he billed my insurance company handsomely. So you all don´t think I´m an absolute lunatic, I won´t share how much pleasure I derived from having something frozen off and then dug out of my foot with a scalpel. Well, oops, I kind of gave it away there. My foot was baby soft for maybe six weeks and then its started to come back and it was even bigger and more crater like than ever.
I had come to peace with the wart. I even kind of liked it. It was always there tucked away on the bottom of my foot, not on my hands or anything where anyone could actually see it. It doesn´t hurt. It doesn´t intefere with the ever important task of walking, like my flat arches or my strained tendons do.
The thing is last week I noticed it was growing. There were a couple little baby warts around it, and it seems to have an adjoining friend. I already know the futility of hi tech solutions, so I was open to other suggestions. In the Peace Corps they tell us to strangle it. Cover it with duct tape so the virus can´t breathe, they say. Because all the health care protocols of the Peace Corps is centralized through a medical office in Washington DC that oversees medical officers for every post, this means that young americans all over the world are wrapping their feet in duct tape and running out to give talks on cow castration or self esteem. One wart I could deal with, but multiple ones enter into the realm of gross. So yesterday I wrapped a huge piece of duct tape around my foot and ran out to give a workshop on parenting.
I´ll refrain from keeping you posted.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
That email you should never send
Yesterday just seemed to be the day. I wrote that email to my ex that I had been thinking maybe I should send. You know that email. The one where you say all the stuff you miss about him, all the stuff you are still mad about, all the things that remind you of him (he is also from South America although, mercifully, not from Ecuador.) And then I hit send.
And I immediately regretted it. Silence had seemed so safe and so comfortable. The thing is that silence is a lot of freaking work. You have to steel yourself to stay angry, stew to sustain your righteous indignation, and hold yourself apart to remove yourself from their sphere. And I guess yesterday it just seemed like it didn´t vale la pena.
And when I sent it, I remembered the pain, the anxiety, and the thrill of those months. It´s funny how you miss that pain of being in love with someone, and when you open the door to that person who made you so sad, the pain feels good, the way it feels good to worry an infected hangnail. It´s good to remember someone can make you feel that way. Instead of the vicarious, muted feeling of watching friends in love, when you yourself are solita.
UPDATED: One other thing I should add is that I received a kind and thoughtful response from the young man in question. It was definitely the right thing. I have to give credit where credit is due.
And I immediately regretted it. Silence had seemed so safe and so comfortable. The thing is that silence is a lot of freaking work. You have to steel yourself to stay angry, stew to sustain your righteous indignation, and hold yourself apart to remove yourself from their sphere. And I guess yesterday it just seemed like it didn´t vale la pena.
And when I sent it, I remembered the pain, the anxiety, and the thrill of those months. It´s funny how you miss that pain of being in love with someone, and when you open the door to that person who made you so sad, the pain feels good, the way it feels good to worry an infected hangnail. It´s good to remember someone can make you feel that way. Instead of the vicarious, muted feeling of watching friends in love, when you yourself are solita.
UPDATED: One other thing I should add is that I received a kind and thoughtful response from the young man in question. It was definitely the right thing. I have to give credit where credit is due.
Weigh in
Hanging in there at 65 kg. No less, but no more either. Started counting calories yesterday again, which worked fine until about 2 pm when I went to the post office. There I found that Erik sent me a package with the best cookies in the world. And everything went to hell. Fortunately they are almost gone.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Vuelve corazon a mi lado
Today was cloudy and cold (relatively speaking) and I spent that day in the house, drinking endless pots of coffee, listening to Mana and preparing a workshop on sexually transmitted disease. I took a nap at mid-day. It was luxurious til the sun came out and then I got cabin fever and wondered where my friends were.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Just happy
Its a beautiful day, kind of like spring, if we had it here, which we really don´t. I had the nicest vibe going today, lots of work to do (including a workshop on HIV with pregnant mothers that I can´t quite get nailed down.) My friend Andy, who I love so dearly, visiting from the States. I have been introducing him to new friends from here and we have been drinking the bourbon he brought me and talking our heads off. When you see yourself through your friends´ eyes you suddenly become aware of the sense of peace and well-being that you give off when you are happy somewhere. And because we are both doing well, he in a PhD program with a high powered job and I living in Latin America, we have fallen into this comfortable little rhythm during his visit here, which is much too short. It is easy to be together, and it hasn´t always been like that.
Don´t freak out, Mom and Dad. After having lunch with him, I walked along the river from the center back to my office and thought to myself: what if I never went home?
Don´t freak out, Mom and Dad. After having lunch with him, I walked along the river from the center back to my office and thought to myself: what if I never went home?