I got a message from one of my very "first" friends, meaning the ones I met young and who stuck around through all the different stages of our lives, and when we came out on the other end of our twenties, there we were, suddenly with a good portion of our lives lived, and together. It´s a low day here, with me feeling like I haven´t been good at making time for myself or at really getting things accomplished, continuing to feel burned out and impatient with my work, and although I have lots of "new" friends here, I still haven´t sorted out who is going to become an "old" one and who will simply fade into the background of circumstance and I find myself missing the "old" ones.
Anyhow, this friend had a series of life events that while not insurmountable, are not the least bit pleasant and sent me a long email detailing them all. She finished with this, and it made me cry here in the internet, just because it reminded me of the trust and conocimiento with her and with people who are super far away from me these days.
"Every sentence in this begins with "I", right? Sorry about that. But I was thinking about people in the world who really matter and who would instantly understand and of course you were front and centre- no matter where you go, there you are..."
3 comments:
Hooray for old friends! I actually just heard that one of my old friends (probably one of the best, though we've been out of touch for a while) is getting MARRIED. WOW. But I'm glad your friend knew you would listen!
Hang in there, Claudia. I am sure you are accomplishing far more than you realize, truly. The to-become-old friends emerge naturally (we have been friends for TEN YEARS now, lady!) and some will fade and though the who's-who of it all is sometimes surprising, it's always right. One thing I predict WILL happen: A few years hence, you'll look back with a kinder and more well-focused eye (free of judgment and unrealistic expectations) and see that you had in fact done great work for your community there and that, more than you know, your BEING THERE is already a really big chunk of that contribution. YOU are already enough and your great work is just gravy. Love you.
Thanks Emily. My day did get better and my period came, which always seems to wrench things back into focus. I don´t know if I would say that simply being here is enough to mean something, Peace Corps does seem to take that position too. But in the end you are right, that only time can tell what has come out of my time here.
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