Monday, June 12, 2006
Empty
The apartment is starting to have the empty house feeling. Taking the rug out was the really dramatic step. I also cleared the refrigerator out of any food that I might not be able to eat in the next four days. Decontructing my home and pulling my roots out of the ground is lonely work. And I haven't even left the country.
6 comments:
During my recent move away from the three little ones and the ex-wife/boat anchor, the word that I could not get out of my mind was "bittersweet". Everything I packed, everything I looked at, hell, everything I thought, caused this incredible feeling of bittersweetness(not sure if that is a word, but it works...). If I had made up my mind to move on and I felt good about it, then why did everything feel so odd? Why did the simplest thing, like the random ball of silly puddy in the closet that one of the kids had left, cause me to sit on the floor (no chairs or couch left) and sob for ten minutes? I made these choices, but part of me did not want to own them. In some ways, I needed someone to come along and rescue me from me. I guess I am still waiting.
Ouuuch... That is my one saving grace at this point that my loose ends are financial and logistic, and not emotional. I cannot imagine orchestrating a move when there are feelings involved. In a way my feelings of bittersweetness are for the links and connections that aren't there. The life partner that has not materialized, for example. And the truth is that you can't mourn the loss of something you never had. It's nothing to compare to the gravity of taking off from soulmates and children.
Your comment reminds me of Bjork's song that goes, "I miss you, but I haven't met you yet." Maybe your soulmate's waiting for you in Ecuador...
I like how that jillypickle thinks. You have great tings in store, Ms. Newyorquina. This is the hard part.
OK, before we get carried away with Claudia's romantic adventure. As far as I am concerned, there are no *soul mates*. There are only degrees of compatibility. That's all.
Poo!
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