It's been crazy here at the offices of Newyorquina. Aside from the usual self-imposed madness, I am coming up on a big life-shift. It's been in the works for a long time, and I haven't written about it, but now it's on the verge of happening, though still not quite... clear...just... yet.
I'm getting myself to South America, either by way of one large volunteer program or another obscure writing fellowship. They'll remain nameless until I actually get the details worked out, but the timing of both necessitates a decision very soon. There are apartments to be rented, animals to find homes for, interviews to be passed with flying colors, friends to be coerced into taking on large scale oversight of various aspects of my life, power of attorney to be granted. It's exhausting. And thrilling. But right now, mostly exhausting.
There is the moment that I frequently have in the middle of the night, when I wake up with a sudden sense of enormous vulnerability, when I am hit with the certainty that nothing in my life is actually fixed or stable or sure Then I look at my plants and my bedroom ceiling and am comforted by the immutable presence of my home, which provides the illusion of structure. Lately these moments have been more unsettled and more frequent and I think to myself, what will reassure me far from anyone I know in strange land?
4 comments:
"...what will reassure me far from anyone I know in strange land?"
The adrenaline you'll get by being there--and knowing you worked so hard to make it happen. Good for you, woman. And welcome back.
i can't wait to find out what you decide. very exciting either way! muchos abrazos-risa :)
hey -- oh man, i haven't read newyorquina in a while and holy crap, you're moving to ecuador. ohmygosh that's so daggum exciting and scary as hell and good and whoa. wow wow wow. this entry right here moved me to tears, and i was gonna post anyway but then this one -- the familiars and comforts and the pre-knowing that there might be times when all those things'll be different. not gone, dude, different. is how i see it anyway. (this is probably more email territory but still i keep typing in this here box.) i've never moved to ecuador but i do know something about long familiars and then gone, and then finding new things in brand new beginnings and i don't talk to you all that often but you're one of the biggest-hearted folks i know. plus you're bigtime fun and if i was there i'd buy you a six-pack and help you pack, dude. this is with love from kathryn frances walker.
Kathryn Frances Walker, I want you to buy me a six pack too!!!!!
Maybe in Quito! When's yer vacation?
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