Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Big Love

I'm fighting an addiction to HBO's Big Love, just on principal, but so far my efforts to turn off the tv after the Soprano's have come to naught. Despite the fact that I find the premise both problematic and vaguely offensive, the acting is pretty good and the characters interesting enough that I can't quite withstand it. So it is interesting that this week I find myself in Salt Lake City for the third time in recent months, although I have yet to make a trip out here when there is time to do all the odd Mormon activities.

Salt Lake City is beautiful this week, though. Everything is in full-bloom and the mountains are an ever present backdrop. This morning there was a snow storm and the combination of mountain, snow, and flowering trees is stunning.

Thursday, April 13, 2006


I've been dealing with a death in my extended family and have found myself running out of emotional steam early in the evening the last couple nights. Last night found me reeling through Wellspring buying comfort groceries which I ate both on the subway and the couch. This morning I left the house in a totally deflated mood, musing about all sorts of bleak outlooks. But the spring morning and the walk to work were irrestible, and by the time I got to work I found myself in a marginally better mood.

Seen on the subway, a buxom young woman, who might have been Dominican or Puerto Rican, wearing a t-shirt that said:

"I ♥ skinny boys with glasses"

And since I flirted with a skinny boy with glasses that I saw on both the train and then again in home depot just the day before, I had to say I was right there with her.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Again, I come back begging forgiveness

It's been crazy here at the offices of Newyorquina. Aside from the usual self-imposed madness, I am coming up on a big life-shift. It's been in the works for a long time, and I haven't written about it, but now it's on the verge of happening, though still not quite... clear...just... yet.

I'm getting myself to South America, either by way of one large volunteer program or another obscure writing fellowship. They'll remain nameless until I actually get the details worked out, but the timing of both necessitates a decision very soon. There are apartments to be rented, animals to find homes for, interviews to be passed with flying colors, friends to be coerced into taking on large scale oversight of various aspects of my life, power of attorney to be granted. It's exhausting. And thrilling. But right now, mostly exhausting.

There is the moment that I frequently have in the middle of the night, when I wake up with a sudden sense of enormous vulnerability, when I am hit with the certainty that nothing in my life is actually fixed or stable or sure Then I look at my plants and my bedroom ceiling and am comforted by the immutable presence of my home, which provides the illusion of structure. Lately these moments have been more unsettled and more frequent and I think to myself, what will reassure me far from anyone I know in strange land?